Mad at God

I had a realization yesterday.  I'm pretty sure I'm mad at God.  Or, I at least feel super distant from Him.

I don't know exactly what caused it, when it started, whatever, but I don't feel like I used to.  Usually at this time of year I feel closer to God and my beliefs than the rest of the year, this is a time I do self reflections, and become deeper involved with my faith.  I usually go to church for the special days, watch Godspell, give up things for Lent, no meat on Fridays, I haven't done most of that this year.  And to be honest, if it weren't for my daughter being an altar server, I probably wouldn't be going to church at all.

A part of me thinks if I start studying and practicing witchcraft it will bring me closer to God, but I also worry about where I can practice.  Ideally it would be outside, but that is only weather permitting.  I think when it isn't good outside, which is more than half of the year, I would have to do it in the basement.

I also can't share my beliefs with the majority of my family.  There are a few (very few) that I could be open with, but much of my family would frown upon it.

And it seems like so much is going wrong right now, I wonder what it means.  Or why it's always happening to us.

Just what's been on my mind today.