Mad at God

I had a realization yesterday.  I'm pretty sure I'm mad at God.  Or, I at least feel super distant from Him.

I don't know exactly what caused it, when it started, whatever, but I don't feel like I used to.  Usually at this time of year I feel closer to God and my beliefs than the rest of the year, this is a time I do self reflections, and become deeper involved with my faith.  I usually go to church for the special days, watch Godspell, give up things for Lent, no meat on Fridays, I haven't done most of that this year.  And to be honest, if it weren't for my daughter being an altar server, I probably wouldn't be going to church at all.

A part of me thinks if I start studying and practicing witchcraft it will bring me closer to God, but I also worry about where I can practice.  Ideally it would be outside, but that is only weather permitting.  I think when it isn't good outside, which is more than half of the year, I would have to do it in the basement.

I also can't share my beliefs with the majority of my family.  There are a few (very few) that I could be open with, but much of my family would frown upon it.

And it seems like so much is going wrong right now, I wonder what it means.  Or why it's always happening to us.

Just what's been on my mind today.

Need to do more studying

Still not sure where I am with this.

I am having a hard time telling the difference between what I was told and raised growing up to believe, and what I actually believe.

I'm also having a hard time allowing myself to believe what I actually believe with out worry about what others will think.

I'm still working on week 5, gotta finish reading the book, then, onto week 6, where I'll be studying things I'm more familiar with.

One of my concerns about practicing witchcraft is believing in myself, you have to do that, and I am always full of self doubt.  Maybe this will help?